my own epic drama, my own scripted page

Wed, 24 Mar 2004 13:16:28 GMT

last night i got really bored. so i decided to make a new lj...for no real reason.

_holy_moly_ comment to be added.

Mon, 22 Mar 2004 02:17:43 GMT

hello lj. how have you been?

that's good to hear....oh, me you ask

i had all this shit to write. it was all in my head...all planned out and everything. aaaaaaand i forgot.

dont you hate that?

so ummm....we had our regionals tournament this weekend. we lost every game. by a humiliating amount. buuuuuut....these were the 3 best teams from their states [2 from conneticut and 1 from rhode island] aaand we were only in the tournament because we're the only U-16 team from NH in that division. haha...so basically we were kind of a joke. but it was fun...1 game on friday and 2 on saturday. the best part was the bruises. yaaaaaaay bruises.

my dads cousin's daughter [figure that one out], leslie is 18. her twin sister lisa is the same age. i've only met them a few times...and i never really talked to them because i always thought they were snobby [stupid liz]. anyways, leslie came down with cancer [somewhere in her throat] and passed away last thursday. i feel like such an asshole. we're practically related and i never tried talking to her or anything. and now i dont have a chance. i'm not devastated...because i didnt really know her...but i feel so bad for her sister. it's like losing a life long friend. so wednesday is the funeral...and i really want to go. it would be so rude if i didnt. at first my dad wasnt even going to take us until i said that. so yeah...18 is too young...

anyways...kelsi came over today and we dyed our hairs. i just re-did the streaks again...and now its bright bright red. eep...maybe i'll get used to it?

i wish i had more interesting things to say...

Sun, 21 Mar 2004 03:02:51 GMT

i feel like updating....but i kind of hate you, lj.

so maybe later. i'd like to write what kelsi would call, "a flusher."

stay tuned?

Fri, 19 Mar 2004 17:28:40 GMT

soooooo last night was incredible. i took a bunch of pictures with kates camera...i'll post them sooner of later.

is this perfect....or is this perfect?

     You take a seat right next to me
     And I take my lit notes nervously
     I've gotta stay calm I just want you to stay
     I am always daydreaming
     Hoping you've dreamt of the same thing
     I've gotta stay calm I dont want this to change

     I've been assuming everything
     Hoping you'll soon mean everything
     I've gotta stay calm I want this to be real
     I dont think you're into me
     But truely thats okay with me
     I've gotta stay calm and find out how you feel

     So if you wanna say 'i-i-i like you'
     I might feel just like you
     If you choose-choose not to
     I knew you-you would

     Sometimes I think I am out of my league
     And then sometimes I think I can dream
     Sometimes I wish I could be the one fish
     That you choose out of all in the sea

     We are non existant
     But I'll try to be persistant
     I've gotta keep on if want to be close to you
     I know you're uninterested
     I'm probably just some stupid kid
     I could give up if you would want me to

                                             -hellogoodbye-If You Wanna I Might

hellogoodbye is my new fave band...good lyrics...upbeat and different. i like.

Fri, 19 Mar 2004 03:54:58 GMT

can you say amazing?

cause you are.

Wed, 17 Mar 2004 17:54:13 GMT

i woke up this morning and my voice is totally gone. i miss you, voice!

at least it's a snowday and i didnt have to get up for school.

i love sleeping til 12 on wednesdays.

and i love that we only have 3 days of school this week.

and i love love love that battle of the bands is tomorrow night.

and is it weird that i love my new job?

so yeah it was my first day yesterday...and i felt kinda dumb because my voice was all nasty due to my stupid throat being dumb. but it went well i guess. they put me on cashier right away. Jen showed me how to do it once and then let me take over. i felt stupid because i kept forgetting to hit enter before ringing in a sale haha. go me.

since there was only like 1-2 customers in the store for a while Jen and i did recovery on the floor. basically you go around with a shopping cart though every aisle and pick up things that arent supposed to be there and either put it back where it belongs or put it in the cart and put it back later. it was so easy. i was in heaven walking down all the aisles cause i saw all this stuff i could buy and make it into something neat...etc., etc. i think im going to spend more money than i make.

The hardest things to say are the words that mean the most
So I'll bite my tongue til it bleeds and I doubt you'll even know
The easiest things to fake are feelings to fool someone else <3

Sun, 14 Mar 2004 01:29:33 GMT

-gasp- help me find my breath?

i want this week to go by super fast so we can have a long weekend.

which means it will go by super slow. have you noticed that when you're looking forward to something time tends to crawl by...and then when you're dreading something the week goes by really fast.

my saturday and sunday will be packed with games. two each day.

which means i have thursday night-3:00 friday wide open.

which means you should all be like, "let's hangout."

ok? ok.

i start work on tuesday. yay?

i feel terrible. i told kirstin i'd go to her show tonight with kelsi, but kelsi couldnt go anymore. forgive me duchess <3

i feel like im about to get even sicker than i already feel. which is almost as bad as being sick...because you know in the back of your mind that you're going to get sick so it makes you feel yuckier.

yawn.

Sat, 13 Mar 2004 05:57:22 GMT

i've been awake for 19 hours. aaaaand i definately dont feel like going to bed.

i think this is a new record

Fri, 12 Mar 2004 22:01:31 GMT

i feel really ucky. i just passed out on the couch for i dunno how long...and i woke up feeling worse than i did before. my head is achy. throat dry and scratchy. not cool.

i feel like i'm going to end up wasting my weekend away like i did last weekend...and probably the weekend before that.

i hafta go into michael's and do paperwork tomorrow afternoon.

aaaand im going to see kirstin's play because it'll rock.

today rocked. pi day is interesting. 7/8 rocks like no other.

i have a hangnail on my thumb and i keep playing with it. gross? no. fun? way.

why am i thinking that i want this weekend to go by really fast?

but i also dont.

im messed.

you make me neat. <3

Thu, 11 Mar 2004 02:32:54 GMT

yes...i just posted...but i just started thinking about something.

talking about divorcing because of money issues is fucking ridiculous. if you make all the money and the other isn't finding a new job like they should does not mean you should threaten divorce. i dont care if it's been months or years that you've been like this...it's in your fucking vows. you swore "for richer for poorer"

if married couples dont keep promises anymore....then who the fuck does?

Thu, 11 Mar 2004 02:08:39 GMT

so far it's been a wierd week.

it's been incredible for me though. i didnt think coming back to school after 2 weeks would be good at all...it's definately because i have amazing friends. <3

i feel like writing letters to people. stories about it. i dunno. i feel like i dont tell people how much i appreciate them [which would explain the long comments i've left in some peoples ljs]

i feel like i've been figuring things out lately. easier than usual i guess.

job shadow day is coming up. choices:

1] stock broker

2] lawyer

3] architect

i actually feel like im good enough to do those jobs...if i dont go back to being a fucking slacker like beginning of the year.

im iffy about the stock broker thing. i got an A+ in economics last year [best grade i've gotten in a while] and when we did stocks i made well over $2000 so i figure "why not" and then i was like, shit....math. my worst subject...and im assuming you need to be a fucking math genius to do that job...we'll see.

is it wierd that when people say they hate the things i like....it makes me happy? and im not talking people...like things, objects, hobbies, music.

but its awesome when you admit to liking something, and you find that someone else loves it too. i confessed to matt that i love law and order...and so does he. and i when i told kelsi i love josh groban to death she agreed. <3

im thinking art is not a career. for some, yes...but i dont think for me. i guess its ok, because i feel like im not lying to myself anymore.

A few sentences a day is all I need...and maybe a few smiles.

Wed, 10 Mar 2004 01:35:49 GMT

umm i was just looking through old, old entries...as a form of entertainment...and i came across this one from december that was about you, and i laughed...because i still feel the exact same way.

but you still dont know it. <3

Wed, 10 Mar 2004 01:13:04 GMT

wow. i wish i had the slightest clue as to what the hell is going on.

i got a job today. i think. Michael's in newington. hmmm. could be worse? i dunno...this is the job i was hoping for, because of all the art stuff, but the supervisor guy i met was a real creep. there was something odd about him. im taking the job anyways. i get the same pay i did at mrs fields. $7.25. and i think im working with all middle aged ladies. fun fun fun.

I hope I'm not just reading you all wrong.

Mon, 08 Mar 2004 21:24:07 GMT

i've been home for a grand total of three days and it seems like while i was across the country dover turned upside down.

is it just me...or is almost everyone pissed off?

im so confused. i leave and everything's fine...and then i come back and it seems that friends are fucking each other over, people are gossiping, getting hurt, etc., etc...

but...today was so great. it was odd. i really didnt wanna go back to school...but once i got there i got a lot of, "hey welcome back....how was your trip?" and all that hub bub. it was nice to see people were interested. especially you. i love every word that rolls off your lips [ack kill me]

im not behind in any of my classes...big plus.

i caught up with people i havent seen in like 2 weeks

i was laughing practically the whole day. in english raychel and i started getting really hyper by telling stories about when we were little...then at lunch i got worse...same with art. and in study hall kelly, nole, and i were laughing so hard about the dumbest things. my study hall kicks.

i feel guilty. because i've had a great time the last 2 weeks...and when i come back i find that people are breaking up, fighting, crashing cars, bitching....

no fun. and none of it has anything to do with me. so i cant do anything but watch relationships crumble like an old blueberry muffin.....mmmmmm muffins.....

relationships.

suck.

maybe im just saying that because i dont have a "relationship"

which is ok.

because it's just not happening...with you...

~~soon~~

next subject...

yesterdays hockey game was incredible. we won 5-0 against the bandits [hah fuckers] aaaaaaaand i scored a goal and got an assist. very sweet. i also got a tad bruised...i was going after one of the defense and i tried going for the puck on her stick...but somehow we collided and i dont remember what happened after that...i just remember getting up and trying to pick up my stick and coach asking me if i was ok. that pussy laid on the ice until the whistle blew and then got up. don't fucking lie there and waste time! skate it off, bitch. my jaw, back, and arms hurt so bad. and i couldnt catch my breath. and i was shaking so bad. but i just kept playing. cause thats what you do.

how come...i have 2 years left...but i feel like i need to decide what i want to do in life right now? whenever i think about it i get frusterated. because there are so many career choices...and i cant narrow them down...and then i get confused and angry.
also i wish i could take more classes [crazy...i know] but i want to take extra things...like law, more art, psychology, architecture [?], but i feel like i cant because of all the mandatory courses. and what if i take one of those courses, without being able to take any others and then i decide i dont like that...and i wish i could've taken something else...but its too late. this whole thing has been like a rain cloud over my head for a while. i want to be able to do something im passionate about but also make a really good living...with all the stupid material luxuries and silly things that i wish i could have. and then i get scared. and im afraid that if i do art or something along those lines i wont make a living, and i'll be a starving artist or something... i told my guidance counselor i wanted to be an architect...because it sounded pretty good, right? and then he informed me that you need good math and science [my 2 worst classes] and my attitude about architecture changed from "oh fun!" to, "oh fuck!"
im scared of a future. i've always been like that too. i was terrified of highschool. going from a class of 50 kids to one of 400 was a huge change. im going to that college in new york this summer. i have this feeling that about a week before i will be incredibly nervous. one of my special talents is making myself so nervous that i get sick. physically. and it sucks. my mentality is wierd. i think about things too much.

hmmmm....

random story of the day....[taken from standard__lines lj...true story]

"Yesterday on the car ride home my sister. laura, was in the front seat and I was in the back. And laura was playing around with her mountain dew and thrrew some on my dad while he was driving...anyways...laura was getting ready to do it again and my dad slammed on the breaks and she got mt. dew all over her....well then she starts laughing so hard she threw up...on her uniform skirt....all of a sudden she goes from laughing to crying. I found it kinda amusing...."

- kate

<3

Sun, 07 Mar 2004 01:14:17 GMT

Dear Mixed Feelings,

Leave me alone.

i shouldn't be complaining.

i just got back from alaska.

alaska.

still cant beleive it. odd? yes.

we got there sunday and hung out at the hotel for a while. very nice. it was in girdwood, alaska and the mountain is called alyeska. theres a tram from the hotel that takes you up the mountain. and theres a little outdoor skating rink...but its usually covered in snow.

monday we skiied. my dad had the snowboard qualifier so i left and went back to the hotel early.

tuesday skiied again. it was so cloudy. we went up to the top chairlift and you could not see a thing.

wednesday....skiied again. it was the most incredible skiing ever. it had snowed all day tuesday and through the night so wednesday was totally clear...and there was about a foot of fresh powder. infuckingcredible. we went up to the headwall and you had to walk a bit but it was totally worth it. you drop into the snow and its so awesome. -sigh- i miss it.

wednesday my dad also tore a muscle in his calf. i had left the mountain early when he went to watch the ski race and an hour later when he was boarding back to the hotel he over-extended his leg. owie. i felt bad...but he was an ass about it. we went to the little doctors office and from then on i was like his bitch. i had to do fucking everything. and i didnt get a thank you. so i just kinda stopped helping...and then i get called ungreatful...etc., etc. oh well. there was a really hot guy in the doctors office though. he looked my age [cause he was with his mom heh], hes an extreme skiier and he was getting the stitches out of his head from a skiing accident a few weeks back...at least he has balls...unlike a lot of guys at dover.

-sigh- it's so gorgeous there...the mountains there make these look like small hills. they are so fucking steep its amazing. avalanche piles just sit on the side of the road. and its normal.

we left yesterday...got to the airport at 4 AM alaska time [8 AM here] and we stayed there until the 6 PM flight. i hate stand by. we stayed in this ghetto hotel last night. it was sweet though. the curtains, lampshades, and sheets had sport bears on them. [yes i took pictures]

i love leaving.

i hate coming back.

yes, i missed my friends. but when you go away it feels like everything back home stops. then you come back and you see all the stuff you missed. i wouldnt feel like this if i didnt come back.

i dont like liking you.

did that make sense?

i dont care.

im watching Til Death Do Us Part. and they're crying. i love that. i want that.

i dont know anymore. have you ever been in a mood where you just cant think? you try to...but nothing comes out.

i did a lot of drawing on the trip. i'll post it within the next week or 2.

after i...

-get a job

-develop photos

-catch up on a weeks worth of school work [yuck]

-aaaaaaaand i dunno

i havent seen tahlia for 3 full weeks...i miss my art buddy...and kathleen for like 2 and a half weeks...my lunch/history/locker/everything buddy

thank you for the compliment...but stop...you're just making me fall farther.

which is funny...because dont have the slightest idea what you're doing.

p.s. kelsi rocks. i hope things start looking up for you. way up.

but you all knew that.

Fri, 27 Feb 2004 20:03:18 GMT

two new posts in art_junkeee

check it out?

just got back from portland today. it was alright. we went to the portland art museum...i was disappointed cause i wanted to show kate the andy warhol that was there last time and it was gone.

i didnt sleep much last night. i dont even remember going to sleep. all i know is that it was really really early...because the sun had already started rising. kate woke up at midnight and i hadn't slept a wink. no idea why though. i had to wake up at 6 something to get the 7:15 boat back into portland. i was so bitchy after that.

im so glad im only home for this one night. i hate it here. im beyond happy that we're staying in seattle for a night. then its off to alaska. i still cant beleive im going. i cant beleive i was considering staying here because of school. fuck school...its alaska.

goodbye dover...goodbye highschool...

-sigh- a week isn't long enough.

Wed, 25 Feb 2004 03:09:18 GMT

"Fuckin' give me a towel, Mr. Tangerine Speedo"

i could listen to that song all day and it still wouldn't get old.

today was surprisingly productive.

i did 7 drawings....i'll post them in my other lj on friday or sometime after.

friday is when i get back from portland.

then i leave saturday for seattle/alaska.

sadly i wont be staying in downtown seattle like last time...we're staying next to the airport.

maybe i'll still get good pictures? -crosses fingers-

i also painted some black and white photos. they look "eh"

bought some new art supplies (wheeee) at ben franklin's yesterday.

[graphite pencils, charcoals, charcoal pencil, white conte, oil pastels, soft pastels, new sketchbook]

i was thrilled.

i also picked up 10 applications on a job hunt with kelsi.

[ben franklins, michaels, payless, sally beauty (remember: i'm desperate), janetos, g. willikers, suncoast, trade secret, the family dollar (woop woop), and the card shop in the mall.

i wanna work at ben franklin's or michael's so bad. [discounted art stuff...der]

from my dearest kate...

i had no idea you could miss something that was never there.

Mon, 23 Feb 2004 02:40:04 GMT

thank you for all the "happy birthdays." you rock.

do the birthday dance.

today was "eh." good i guess. i got a total of $50 from relatives on my moms side.

my mom got about 10 rolls of my film developed for my gift. and she got me these pens that color black and white photos. [big yay]

my dads present was some candy and the alaska trip. i am beyond excited. i found out that we're leaving saturday morning and since there is no direct flight to alaska we're going to stay in seattle saturday night and leave for alaska on sunday. [wooooooooooooo] SEATTLE! omigawd. i've been dying to go back since my first trip last november. and this time i have my camera so im expecting some phenominal pics. i need to buy film.

speaking of money...i am no longer working at mrs fields. i was supposed to work 2 days this week and when i called in to double check V told me they took me off the scheulde. it sucked because they didnt tell me. oh well. tomorrow kelsi and i are going job hunting...first stop is Ben Franklin's Crafts. i want a job there so bad. plus, i need to stock up on art stuff to cure my boredom on the flight. i need film, a new sketchbook, pencils, conte [?], pastels, charcoals [?] and whatever else i can afford.

yellowcard concert on april 17th. i neeeeeed to go. who's with me?!

Sun, 22 Feb 2004 04:26:38 GMT

kelsi is super. she called me at 6 something and said she'd be over soon, but she had to run errands. so she arrived a little after seven with a cake, a card, party hats, and disposable cameras. <3

we headed to portsmouth where we spent some time in wal mart. quality time.

off to burger king. as we're walking in some fellow gangstas walked out, one looked at me and said,

"girl what you doin'?"

"um, gettin' food."

wow. just wow. so we spent a while in burger king talking and eating. i developed a talent. i can suck the air in through my nostril and one side closes up. we ended up laughing so hard that we cried.

i started looking at my spoon, and for a few seconds i just thought about the spoon. and it was calming, and i told kelsi that. i think they slipped a little something in my chili.

im 16 in 29 minutes. teehee.

Sat, 21 Feb 2004 03:53:34 GMT

this week has been uber upsetting. for days i've been waiting to find the time to write a painfully long and sad entry...

but it's amazing how just a few minutes with someone can change a whole week.

so monday is a blur.

tuesday i got my stuff stolen.

wednesday i was super cranky because of tuesday night.

thursday is vague and boring.

today fucking rocked...shall i elaborate?

yes, i shall. looked like shit during school. probably due to the fact that all my b-e-a-oooty stuff had been stolen. no big.

i had to get one of those weekly progress reports cause im actually trying the rest of the year. i went from getting 3 D's, 2 B's and an A to getting 4 A's, one F [59.2...ouch], aaand i dont know what i have in english.

i got a 93 on my bio test!!!! WHOOOOA. i guess thats what happens when you do all your homework....lesson learned.

kelsi, kristy and i hung out for a while afterschool, and then kelsi dropped me off at work.

work sucks. rich is a jackass. only 2 more workin' days until i am done with it. thank god.

saw an old friend.

got a free cookie cake because someone didnt come to pick it up. it says "Happy Belated Birthday Liz" on it...and i figured since my birthday is on sunday it should belong to me.

aaaand here i am.

im silly. just sitting next to you, and exchanging a few words back and forth makes me feel like the luckiest girl alive. i wish you could read this and be all..."hey, she's talking about me." but im positive you have no idea...and you probably never will. aaaand i wish you felt the same. sigh?

lately i've been wondering where i'll be in the future.....and i dont know. aaand that scares me.

Wed, 18 Feb 2004 02:57:47 GMT

Things stolen from kelsi's car last night:

-my black and red paul frank duffel bag
-2 pairs of pants
-a shirt
-my fav blue sweater
-my fav sweatshirt
-my makeup
-my hair crap
-all my cds
-my backpack
-my american history book
-my geometry book
-my SKETCHBOOK
-my pastels
-charcoals
-kelsis cell phone
-kelsis leopard purse
-aaaaand her portable cd player

who the fuck would steal that shit anyways? my god. dont you rednecks have something better to do than get off from stealing someones stuff from their car?!

the materialistic things im not upset about losing. i am upset about my sketchbook and my books being stolen because [1]you cant replace a sketchbook or dupilicate the drawings that are in it...and those were some good ones too. [2]i hafta pay for both the books that were stolen even though it wasnt my fucking fault. thank you, jackass.
and my pastels that were taken were a christmas gift from my mom...so they were kinda special to me. and its not like i could just go down to a craft store and get them cause you hafta order them from a magazine. :(

i know im not getting it back either. the police cant do anything unless someone turns it in...which they wont. heartless bastards.

im still having trouble trying to understand why the fuck someone would go into a car and take things that dont belong to them. help?

Tue, 17 Feb 2004 22:43:58 GMT

i made a new lj for my art...art_junkeee

add it if you love me...and add it if you hate me.

Mon, 16 Feb 2004 01:31:16 GMT

seven days until my stupid stupid birthday.

dont buy me a gift. dont go through all the trouble of finding something i might like. if you care about me you'll give me $ because i need $3000 by june.

im [beyond] determined to go to new york.

Sun, 15 Feb 2004 16:48:30 GMT

if you're going to talk about people in a way that might piss others off...dont use their names...or make it friends only.

people shouldnt beleive everything they read.

and real friends dont do that shit.

Sat, 14 Feb 2004 03:32:53 GMT

in the words of dan pepler...

"if u like someone... tell them for christ sakes. don't play little fucking games, because its stupid."

mind games suck.

In other news

worked today...that sucked. slutty sarah was working. ooooooooh god.

word of advice: do NOT buy cookies from her...you have NO idea where those nasty hands have been. -wink wink-

but yeah i said like 3 words to her the whole time.

at least i had a few nice visitors. pepler[thanks for the rose], whitney [ehhh...not so nice], andrew, and danny mac all came. my little eigth grade enemy was at the mall.....and no, platinum blonde hair with a few inches of brown roots doesn't look unnatural at all...

i asked andy [at sunglass hut] if he knew why the "I Love You" cookie was broken...and he goes, "Because love doesn't last...remember that!" what a smart kid. i responded with a, "yeah i definately already knew that."

it really pisses me off how people dont even know what valentines day really exists. i found out from the lovely kirstin today, and i think we're the only 2 people that i know of that know the real reason behind it. it goes a little like this....

One legend contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men -- his crop of potential soldiers. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine's actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death. Other stories suggest that Valentine may have been killed for attempting to help Christians escape harsh Roman prisons where they were often beaten and tortured.

According to one legend, Valentine actually sent the first 'valentine' greeting himself. While in prison, it is believed that Valentine fell in love with a young girl -- who may have been his jailor's daughter -- who visited him during his confinement. Before his death, it is alleged that he wrote her a letter, which he signed 'From your Valentine,' an expression that is still in use today. Although the truth behind the Valentine legends is murky, the stories certainly emphasize his appeal as a sympathetic, heroic, and, most importantly, romantic figure.

so now you know.

...i got one valentine card today. one......just one. thanks.

one more thing that pisses me off....no one knows why friday the 13th is a "bad" day. they just go along with what people say. i looked it up and theres like 10 reasons...basically it's superstitious. it's the same as every single other day...but there's just a stupid excuse for everything bad that happens.

sigh